[February 27, 2007]

Linda's Picks:
Picking Apart the Oscars:

• Another long long LOOOOOOOONG show. Why doesn't the Academy just break down and admit that there is NO freakin' way the show will wrap-up in three hours. Just give it the four-and-a-half hour block of primetime that the event needs, so that everyone can act surprised and delighted when it wraps up "early". (Thank goodness I live on the West Coast, and the show is actually shown live for a change!)



• Ellen DeGeneres was fine... I almost wished that she was given more screen time. Except with her penchant for charming ramblings, that would have meant that the show would have lasted for six hours...



• The interpretive dancers. The Pilobolus dancers interpreted movie themes via lots of tumbling and posing in silhouette behind a white screen. My response was one of sort-of-fascination combined with an unnerving discomfort. I'd feel apprehensive, waiting for them to complete the pose with a ta-da! moment of recognition for the audience. It was, simply put, weird. And how did they make a bullet fly out of The Departed's gun? Did someone throw a shoe?



• Now that Jennifer Hudson has won her final award, she can go away. Well, not go away completely, of course. The girl is a fine singer. But she is not an actress. Now that she got her Oscar, she can go to Broadway where her skills will be divine, and Hollywood will never need to put her in a movie again. (Speaking of Jennifer, DID she pop out of her dress at the end of her song? There was lots of jostling going on, with an explosion emminent. Where's TIVO when you need it?)



• The hottie of the evening? Helen Mirren! How awesome is it that the 61-year-old silver-haired fox becomes the most frequently commented-on sexiest woman of the Oscars. Go, Helen!



• Speaking of hot... The hottest presenting couple of the evening was, hands down, Clive Owen and Cate Blanchett. Our Oscar-viewing party turned into a scene out of Raiders of the Lost Ark, with Clive and Cate's hotness physically shooting out of the TV screen, melting our eyeballs, convulsing us in shock, and finally bursting us into flame, leaving piles of ash all around the room. (A close second goes to Hugh Jackman and Penelope Cruz)



• Funniest moment: Meryl Streep's deadpan. Meryl, even if they don't want to give you anymore awards, thanks for coming! When cute presenters Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt argued over who was supposed to get your latte, the camera panned to you sitting in the audience with an icy, deadpan expression. Always a professional, you held the stone-cold look as long as the camera stayed, solidifying the moment as comic brilliance.



• Leave Rachel Wiesz alone! Perhaps it was because there weren't any huge standouts for horrid dresses this year (can anyone forget Gwyneth's see-through boobie dress?), but the pre-show seemed obsessed with criticizing Rachel Weisz's blingy necklace vs. the jewels on her bustline. Fer cryin' out loud, she looked awesome... let's move on!



• Worst hair at the Oscars, perhaps EVER: Philip Seymour Hoffman. My goodness. It wasn't just greasy. It wasn't just unkempt (in an non-purposely stylish way). It wasn't just sticking out. It was all of the above. It was on par with Nick Nolte's mugshot-hair.



• Co-presenters Jessica Biel and James McAvoy: Let's just say if co-presenters Jessica Biel and James McAvoy has a wrestling match, Jessica would win a total smackdown, having skinny little James wimpering for mercy.



• And what the heck does the Oscars "going green" mean? Movie-star gift bags made of 80% recycled material? The red carpet being cleaned with orange-citrus carpet cleaner?



• Someone had to have peeked at the envelope: Could you imagine if Martin Scorcese's name hadn't been called by his pals Francis Ford Coppola, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg? It would have been more awkward than Julia Roberts snarkily spitting out Ang Lee's name (instead of her beloved Steven Soderbergh) a few years back.

[Read the full list of 2006 Oscar Nominees (and Winners), plus our pre-award Picks and Predictions, and Vickie's Oscars 2006: The Good, the Bad, and the Lady Gays! wrap-up.]