If you want to make your head explode, try answering the hard questions about Somewhere in Time. If an old Jane Seymour gives a young Christopher Reeve a watch in 1972, where did the watch actually come from if he first gave it to her in 1912, while traveling back in time from 1980? My brain hurts already, and I’m almost positive it makes no sense.
The film begins in 1972, when burgeoning playwright Richard Collier (Christopher Reeve) is given a watch by a mysterious old woman who whispers, “Come back to me.” It’s weird, but he laughs it off and goes on with his life. He is sidetracked by eight years of success, and doesn’t give the watch much thought until he suffers a case of writer’s block in 1980.
At this point, Richard starts researching the woman who gave him the watch. He checks into a hotel, and the ancient bellhop who’s been there since 1910 thinks he looks familiar. Further investigation reveals that the mystery woman was an actress who worked in the hotel’s theater. When he discovers his own name in the hotel’s 1912 registry, Richard begins to suspect that they may have fallen in love… Somewhere in Time.
Apparently time travel is easier than you might think. One of Richard’s professors explains that you just convince yourself it’s the year you want to visit, and you’ll wake up there. You have to think really hard and relax to make this work, and if you see anything that reminds you of the present, it’s all over. Richard hustles to his room, dresses in an old-timey suit, and prepares to go back in time. He starts to take along some money, but realizes it will create an anachronism. At the last second he scoops it from his pockets and stashes it in the closet.
It takes Richard a very long time to wish himself back to 1912, and we get to spend every futile moment of it with him. Richard tosses and turns. Richard squeezes his eyes shut. Richard proclaims, “It is 1912!” And finally, after what feels like 68 years, he gets there. The funny thing is that this is actually his first visit to 1912. It only seems like it already happened because he’s from 1980—that’s why he doesn’t run into himself the way people normally do in time travel movies. See? Just keep telling yourself it all makes perfect sense.
The movie is half over by the time Richard finally meets the watch giver, Elise Mckenna (Jane Seymour). He immediately starts courting her, but her manager William Robinson (Christopher Plummer) watches her like a hawk. He explains loudly that he plans to make Elise into a STAR, and doesn’t want anyone else interfering. Unfortunately for William, Elise is pretty sick of him. She slips away with Richard just long enough to fall madly in love.
They have the sappy sort of love affair that only looks good in the movies—the kind that lasts about five hours, yet leaves the lovebirds heartsick and damaged for the rest of their lives. Elise is pretty, but not very interesting, and Richard is a bit simple. Their story is very, very flimsy, but they don’t seem to mind. To prove his devotion, Richard gives Elise the watch she’ll give back to him in 1972.
Marriage and happily ever after seem eminent by the time Richard reaches into his pocket and pulls out a 1979 penny he overlooked. 1979! The sight of it sends him hurtling back to 1980, and leaves Elise screaming his name and clawing the floor. It’s all downhill after that. Richard is tortured by the idiot penny, and he slowly wastes away. Romantics would say that he suffered a broken heart, but I know better. I bet he blew his mind trying to figure out how he originally gave Elise a watch that he knew nothing about until she gave it to him.
