The Young and the Dead

Year: 2000

Year: G

A few years back, I took a series of tests at the unemployment agency… you know, those kind where you answer like 150 questions about your skills and things you enjoy doing in a job. Well, one of my top “ideal” jobs that kept popping up was, oddly enough, Embalmer. I have to admit it was not a career that was at the forefront of my ideas of a possible post-dot-com job, but I like to keep my options open.  The Young and the Dead, a documentary about the revitalized cemetery Hollywood Forever in California did, however, manage to keep my interest piqued in this somewhat invisible, but stable business.

After being run by a Hollywood mafia-type fellow for over a half century and falling into ruin by the 90s (when the boss finally died) the cemetery was bought out by a hot-shot young cemetery director from Missouri named Tyler Cassity. He brought with him all his high school buddies to form the staff of the “revitalized” business, and they vowed to bring the cemetery into the high tech age. When a famous person, like JFK Jr. dies, there is instantly a 15-minute visual retrospective of their life on TV. Why not make memorial videos for regular people, too? A great idea, actually!

Tyler Cassity is a hottie, a boyish, good-looking and seemingly completely genuine good soul who looks out for the best interests of his present and future clients. He is sensitive and soft spoken, and has a true reverence for the importance of his position. He chats and makes friends with the homeless people who hang out in his cemetery during the day “because it is quiet and peaceful”. He loyally helps keep up old traditions, such as the yearly anniversary memorial of resident Rudolph Valentino for his still-grieving fans. And gosh, he’s nice.

So I’m keeping my job options open. So, Tyler, if there are any positions available at Hollywood Forever, call me!

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